Be Still and Know - Day 23

Today in meditation, I tried to imagine the entire world: all of the almost 7 billion people... every race, skin color, hair color... in all of their sizes, ages, personalities and cultures.

Overwhelmed with awe only begins to describe what I experienced! 

I thought of how we are all alike, all created in the same fashion as spiritual beings, and all connected by our one Creator. I imagined all of us - everyone - present together, smiling, happy, fulfilled, peaceful and in harmony. As I type this, I recognize that this may sound like a cheesy Coke commercial. But try to get beyond that and maybe you can see what I saw: the world as it should be.

The thing is, many times in my Christian mindset, I tend to see humanity as depraved and spiraling downward. I see the world as fallen and broken. But what if I started seeing people, races, ethnic groups, countries, cultures, and other religions, in their fullest potential - just like I want others to see me. Would I begin to look at the world differently? Of course I would. May it be so!

~ ~ ~

On another note, I have to share that my journey with meditation is getting me really excited about the season of Advent coming in a couple of days!

We celebrate Advent throughout the month of December, and specifically the four Sundays before Christmas, in anticipation of celebrating the birth of Jesus. It gets us in the mood, the mindset, the Spirit of what Christmas really means for followers of the Way of Jesus.

Did you know that Advent is the beginning of the church calendar? This Baptist girl probably was taught that at some point along the way, but apparently it didn't stick. Maybe it is obvious to some of you, but I never thought of it as the beginning, only as the end of the year - it is December, you know. Anyway, when I realized this recently, it gave me a new perspective on the Christmas season!

On December 1st I can begin a new spiritual year - a year of more of God, a year that begins with desiring, craving, and eagerly anticipating Emmanuel, God with us! It totally makes sense. Anticipating the Messiah's coming isn't the end, it's the beginning!

Can you feel the excitement? I can't wait!

Be Still and Know - Day 22

Yesterday I did not meditate.

...and all is still well in the world.

I fully intended to, but every time I kept setting aside time to do it, I felt I needed to be doing something else. No, really, I did. Interestingly, this was different than the usual "oops, I forgot" or avoidance of a chore. And, very intriguing to me, I did not miss it, which seems such the antithesis of what I would have expected!

How is it possible that I wasn't affected negatively by missing this life-bringing practice that has become a part of me?

As I've thought through this, I think I've arrived at an explanation that makes sense.  Having meditated for 20 days in a row, and having developed a connectedness with God and my True Self more fully (yes, I feel that deep in the core of my being), I was able to maintain that connectedness throughout the day, even without a specific set-aside time in meditation. Now, it wasn't as if I never had a thought about meditating or spending time with God all day. In fact, because I knew I had not meditated, frequently throughout the day I brought my attention inward, became present in the moment and thought through what I needed to do, "Do I need to stop everything and meditate right now?" And what I heard the Spirit say was, "No, right now you need to not worry about making time to do this just to check it off your list for the day. You need to be engaging with this person right now... you need to focus on your kids... you need to stay here and do this..."

I was in a state of connection to my Source all day! I believe my continued practice of meditation has made that happen much more naturally than ever before.

So, this morning my soul must have known, better than my usual conscious self, what I needed. I woke up at 5:30 - naturally and easily (that's crazy for me!) - and immediately wanted to spend time in meditation and communion with God. I easily spent an hour or so inside my soul with God, soaking Him in, letting my deepest concerns and my utmost longings be absorbed my His Goodness, Mercy and Love. Different friends and circumstances were brought to my attention during that time, and so I gave myself in prayer to them. It was such a sweet, sweet hour.

I am reminded of Jesus, and how it is recorded that he went about "doing life." He poured himself into his ministry day in and day out. But many times he would withdraw to the mountain or some place away from the crowds to pray and commune with God. Really think about that... If even Jesus needed time to connect with God in order to fulfill His purpose on earth, we can be assured that we will never experience the abundant life He came to bring us, or fulfill our own purpose on this earth, if we do not also take time - in silence, by ourselves, away from the busyness of life - to commune with God.

That is most certainly a simple truth I am learning.


PS: The picture above is a painting by my favorite artist, a prodigy, Akiane Kramarik. She is now 17, but painted this when she was just 10. It is entitled, Jeshua - The Missing Years. Here is what she says about this painting: "At 14, during one of his meditations, Jesus is talking with his father in heaven about the new earth, where only joy and peace would reign. In the background the galactic hand is reaching out for love and truth." There is more she shares about this painting in her book, Akiane, Her Life, Her Art, Her Poetry.

Be Still and Know - Day 20

Have you ever thought of the word "luxury" and what it really means? Does is mean fancy clothes, a mansion, sports cars, fur coats and diamonds? Is living in luxury something to strive for, or is it frivolous? Should we avoid a life of luxury or embrace it?

During meditation today I realized how luxurious my life is! While at my mom's house on the family farm this long Thanksgiving weekend, I really did feel in complete luxury. Not the air mattress bed necessarily, but being on the farm - feeling connected to God's creation; and the time spent with family - no bickering or baggage, just great company and unconditional love. Simply divine.

Now that we're back home, there are more parking lots than meadows, and more to-do lists than great conversations. But paradise is where you make it, and luxury can be found in the small things.

Luxury is defined as something inessential, but conducive to pleasure and comfort.

Consider these things as luxury...

Soaking in a warm bubble bath. Going for a long walk outside. Sipping coffee on the porch. Listening to great music. Losing yourself in an old movie. Writing a love note to your beloved. Having a heartfelt conversation with a friend. Indulging in a hobby. Lighting a candle and enjoying it's scent. Making someone smile...

God has given us countless ways to live in luxury. Simple, but life-giving things enrich our lives and bring us joy. They are there for the taking. He delights in our pleasure.

Have you taken time for something luxurious today? It can be divine.

Be Still and Know - Day 18

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

When was the last time you were outdoors and got still and quiet enough to hear the wind rustle the trees a hundred yards away - then listened as it made it's way through the trees, wooshing its way toward where you were, until finally you felt the cold air waft across your face and through your hair?
I don't know if I ever have before, but I did that today.

When was the last time you watched a cottonwood seed float down and around and across the currents of the wind until it rested on top of a crisp, auburn leaf on the ground?
I don't know if I ever have before, but I did that today.

When is the last time you walked through the toast-colored grass of fall and watched as the little striped grasshoppers jumped out in front of you with each step you took?
I don't know if I ever have before, but I did that today.

When was the last time you gazed up at the cerulean sky through the golden leaves, and noticed stark shimmering rays of sunshine stream down onto your feet?
I don't know if I ever have before, but I did that today.

My meditation today was heightened again by the surroundings of nature. There is a completeness you tend to feel when you're out in the middle of God's creation. I truly felt that today. While I know each human being and living thing are created unique and individual, we are also created by the same Creator; and we are created to need one another. There is a unity in us all. God's beautiful creation speaks of that oneness to us when we listen.

Another truly marvelous thing today was the time we spent as a family serving the least among us. My extended family has always been welcoming and helping toward those in need. And so several years ago, we decided it would be great to start a tradition of serving together on Thanksgiving weekend. We wanted to show our children how easy and rewarding it is; we wanted to make meaningful memories; we wanted to help others during this tough time of year; and we wanted to make our family-time also about leaving the world a better place.

This year we went to a parking lot in downtown Shreveport and helped a ministry called The Hub serve a meal to the homeless of the area. While the meal was, of course, a needed thing for the hungry stomachs of those displaced folks, I have to say that the very best part was seeing every one of our family members engage with people who - separate from their circumstances - are just like us. From the oldest to youngest of us, we were all meeting new friends, serving them food, picking up their trash, sharing a smile, listening to stories, holding their children, watching their magic tricks, and all in all letting them know that they were important and we cared about them.

This was just a one time kind of service project for us, so unfortunately we will likely never see those folks again. But remembering my meditation time this morning out under the trees, I recognize the deep connectedness between my little family and each of those we met today. We need each other. We are each other. Every soul created and loved by God. I pray God's blessings and favor on each of those precious people, just as on us. Anthony, Isaac, Tammy, Adrianna, and the many more whose names I forgot or didn't get, I am thankful for you.

Be Still and Know - Day 17

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Today was the day of our big family Thanksgiving feast with my mom, three sisters, their faimilies, and a couple of family friends. My sisters and mom and I were busy in the kitchen all morning, of course, and my mom quipped that I probably wasn't going to find a chance to meditate in the craziness of today. But I knew I would. I was looking forward to meditating outside on the farm. So, once I put my final dish into the oven to bake, I stole away for a bit.

When I left the house for the back deck, all of the chairs were wet from a nice rain that had come this morning, so I just decided to walk around a bit. There are some beautiful spots on this land - places my dad would sometimes take us, where he liked to spend time. Places that made him fall in love with this farm years ago when he proudly bought it.

I had only walked a minute past the old blue tractor, when the rain returned - going from a drippy sprinkle to a steady fall. So I ducked in under the carport. I found an old folding chair next to the 4-wheeler, the riding lawn-mower, and the old '65 Mustang my dad had driven in college and I had driven in high school. What memories came flooding back to me. I felt in that moment that Dad was with us today.

So there it was that I meditated today.  Sitting in a spot my dad had often sat, under the carport my dad built, looking out across the woods my dad had cleared, to the pond we all love - as the rain fell and leaves floated to the ground. It was simply blissful. I couldn't help but keep my eyes open while I meditated. I had my iPod with peaceful music, which blended with the natural sounds of my surroundings. And I felt a deep sense of wonder and happiness.

God's blessings never cease to amaze me. In the simplicity of those moments today, in a place I consider home, God's love was so abundant and overwheming. I don't usually take time to go and sit outside and commune with God in nature when I'm home at the farm, like I did today. And so I am so grateful for this new commitment to meditation that allowed me to experience what I did.

It was a delightful day of enjoying the farm, eating some amazing food, making family memories, and being in awe of it all.

Be Still and Know - Day 16

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

It's Thanksgiving Day!!!

What a fabulous day to meditate!... not just on all of the many things I am thankful for, but also on the mere idea of gratefulness. Thankfulness, or gratitude, or appreciation, is seeing the seed of good in everything, every person, and every circumstance. Gratitude is at the core of spirituality. With an attitude of gratitude, we see divine blessings in every detail of life, and in doing so we experience the abundant life God intends for us. Without gratitude we miss out on blessings that could have been.

God is so good, so steadfast, so faithful. His love is infinite and unconditional for us. And we can be connected with Him through the simple practice of gratitude.

Count your blessings! Here are just a few of mine, for which I am truly grateful...

Sunshine. Soft, warm beds. Soul mates. Leon. Trey. Timothy. Emily. George. Immediate and extended family who love me unconditionally, have fun together, and like to love and serve others together. Parents and Parents in-law who live out wonderful examples for Leon and me and our children. Fields of hay. Moon-lit nights. Adorable babies. Smiles. Pecan pie. A heritage of working hard and loving life. Friends who care and share. Good books that make me think. Sweet satsuma oranges straight from the tree. A faithful mini-van that has carried us through life for the last 10 years. My not-to-big-not-too-small-just-right house. Leon's employment. Beautiful autumn leaves, even in Texas and Louisiana. My iPhone. Hugs. Health. Health care. Fuzzy slippers. St. Augustine Grass. Freedom. Intimacy. Truth. Peace. Design. Music. Art. Laughter. Internet. Manicures and pedicures. A great massage. A hot shower. A cool night. A warm heart.

Hope your day was filled with an attitude of gratitude all around!
Blessings!

Be Still and Know - Day 15

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

A rhythm is setting in with my meditation. It is becoming more of a natural part of my day, more of a habit, I suppose. I have had less emotional mountaintop experiences of late, but that really is okay. Feeling a secure connection with the Divine is more than enough.

As for the mechanics of things...

• I am still meditating in the morning - sometimes early, before the kids wake up, and sometimes after I get them off to school before I launch into my personal day.
• I still am using music, which is much nicer than complete silence because of the way it masks outside noises, which were always such a distraction before.
• I'm taking about 20 minutes to meditate most days... although I find myself want to linger longer. I think that will take more open-ended time, which my schedule doesn't always allow.
• Sometimes I read scripture before I begin; sometimes something in meditation takes me to scripture after; sometimes the Spirit brings scripture or even things I've read from other sources to my mind; and sometimes I don't read anything at all.
• Sometimes meditation involves just me going inward and being still, but more often I have a particular concept or truth or visualization I'm focusing on - mainly because when I'm just going inward and still, the Spirit brings things to my mind I need to learn or work on.

Yesterday I meditated on serving and giving of myself to others. What specific talents, gifts, or blessings has God given me that I can give back to the world? It's such a wonderful thing to know that I can fulfill my purpose through service to the world... not that the world needs me, but that the world has needs, and I can contribute by following God's call on my life and just being true to the person God has created me to be. Beautiful really.

Today I meditated on something a little more broad or deep. I looked at things from an expansive perspective. I noticed the coincidences that happen, and how they aren't at all coincidences, but divine rhythms of life. I saw how if we recognize and acknowledge those "non-coincidences", we end up experiencing more and more the rich, full life God intends for us. Like the times when we find ourselves with open doors that lead to more open doors, and we come to a place that feels right and good and purposeful. As we respond with open hearts to the whispers of the Holy Spirit inside of us, we move along the currents of life with greater ease. It's a lovely way to live. As I left meditation, I placed myself within that truth.

Practically speaking, my day has been mostly about preparing for our Thanksgiving trip. I have still felt the stress a bit. But since my meditation times in general have given me a clearer view of things, today I've been more easily able to let go of the stress and just do what I need to do. I've been able to stop and play with the kids in between laundry and cooking - maybe not as much as I could, but more than usual. :)

I do wish I would have stopped to go play in the pile of leaves the kids made outside. They invited me, but I was too busy at the time... hindsight is much clearer...

Hey, maybe we can all go play in the leaves tomorrow before we leave! I'll keep you posted!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Be Still and Know - Day 13

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Day 13 of meditating daily. Wow, I'm really doing this. :)

Today I meditated on the concept of what we might call "Let go, and let God." This is so much easier said than done. But when we practice it, our approach to life shifts, and life IS easier... one of those paradoxes of life again.

I thought of all the things I try to make happen in my life, all the things I try to control - over which I really have NO control: traffic, the kids' behavior, how people perceive me, etc. And then I thought about what things I can control, like what I eat, wear, say, and think. The difference between the two comes down to the fact that I can only control myself and MY reaction (both internally and externally) to things I can't control. I cannot control anything else... SO it makes no sense to try so hard to do so! The result of this meditation was me realizing that I need to move forward in this manner: think about what my true goals are, take steps toward those things, and then leave everything up to God. What usually ends up happening is that I "give it to God" but then something goes awry and I blame people for screwing up God's plan. Then I doubt how God might fix it, worry that someone else will make it worse, and I end up taking it back from God to try to take back control. How counter-productive is that! (I'm sure none of you can relate, right?)

It's like those times we've all experienced - when we "try too hard" to do something and then as soon as we relax and stop trying altogether, it ends up coming easily. From trying to recall someone's name, to trying to have a baby, I've seen it over and over in my life and others. When we let go, then things can more naturally flow into our lives, according to His plan.

Yesterday when I launched the desires of my heart out into the endless ocean - to God - it was a natural reaction of mine to question... "But, I have to keep that list. I have to act on that list. I can't just send it out into nothingness. I have to have control..." Oops! There is was. Control. "Nope, you don't have control, Kim. I do. I know the desires of your heart. You walk toward them as I guide you, and let go of what the outcome will be. When you encounter people and circumstances, let them be what they are. Don't judge them. I am still in control." Wow! What a hard thing for me to do!

In Matthew 6 & 7 - as part of his great sermon on how to live life in a new revolutionary way he came to show us - Jesus says (my paraphrase), "Why do you worry about your life and your plans for the future? Look at nature - all of creation. If all these living things are cared for, seasons change, things grow and flourish and are beautiful, don't you think God will care for you, his most prized creation, as much or more?! Here is what you should do. Seek His Kingdom first, treating others the way you want to be treated, and don't worry about tomorrow. Then you will be taken care of abundantly!"

It's a daily struggle, this control issue. I'll be working on it. How about you?

Be Still and Know - Day 12

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Yesterday was a blur. And then my HP mini (which I'm using instead of my virus-infected PC) froze up on me... apparently it was just not quite prepared for the way I use a computer.  SO, no post last night. Meditation yesterday was good, but nothing spectacular to report. I do feel that once again it put me in a calm place to be able to make it through a crazy day with less judgement and more peace overall.

Today's meditation was a little different. I used a visualization, and it was so awesome! I used visualization some when I started my contemplative journey earlier this year, and it was really impactful and clearly proved to be a way God speaks to me. And that is also what I did on Day 5, which also was incredibly impactful. I think this visualization thing might just be a great fit for me and God. :)

I envisioned myself being relaxed, comfortable and at peace on a beautiful beach, looking out across the endless ocean (white sand, turquoise waters, flock of gulls, dolphins playing...). Then I envisioned Jesus joining me. He seemed to come out of nowhere, walking across the water toward me, then sitting down beside me. His presence was like a friend, but a mentor, a guide. I found a bottle which had a scroll and a pen in it, and I began writing down my desires. As I did this, it was as if Jesus was there to guide my decisions about what to write. He didn't say words aloud, but he leaned in watching what I wrote and seemed to guide me from his heart to mine. I wrote of things having to do with family, my personal path, health, and relationships. Then I rolled up the scroll, placed it back into the bottle, corked it, and tossed it out into the ocean, where I watched as it drifted out into the endless waters. Jesus was no longer there. (But it wasn't as if he left.) I continued to sit and just be. I had released these things to God and felt a relief and an assurance about them, as if I now knew that my desires for the present and the future had already been God's hands - it's just that I needed to acknowledge that.

It seems that when I use visualization, I engage with God more deeply. I think the meditation helps me to go inward and just be with me, then the visualization takes me to the connection with God more easily. The combination of both is powerful to me. However, I think not doing it every day, may make it more so. I may try more of it, and see.

I'll end with this verse I loved from my iPhone Bible app Verse of the Day.
It's Ephesians 3:20 from The Message:

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us."

 

Amen!

Be Still and Know - Day 10

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Top 10 reflections on the last 10 days...

10. There is nothing new under the sun.
New things I am learning are things that have been true since the beginning of time. When I have an "Ah ha" moment, it's me discovering something that many who have gone before me already knew. This is a collective, communal connection that stretches throughout history... What an awesome thing to acknowledge!

9. My experience in meditation is different every day.
Different lengths of time. Different things surface during it. Sometimes it's easy; sometimes more difficult. Sometimes it is emotional; sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it leaves me with a spiritual high; sometimes it just calms and centers me.

8. Prayer and Meditation are in fact very different practices.
Prayer is mostly talking to God, while meditation is mostly listening to and being with God. There is a dimentional difference. Prayer is like using a direct phone line to God... while meditation is like being in the middle of God's symphony. (Yes I know those two similes do not relate... I tried, but that's just how different they are.)

7. My connection with God is getting stronger and more tangible.
As most of us know, the more time you spend focusing on God - in scripture, prayer, worship, etc.- the closer you feel to Him. So this is no surprise. Although, I do sense a difference in the depth or dimension of this connection that was not there before. I surmise that this is because I'm accessing a different part of myself in order to meditate - a creative, feminine part - as opposed to a cerebral, masculine part.

6. It has been easier to exhibit self-control in the moment (which is when I usually lose it).
I find that I am recognizing when anger begins to rise, and I'm starting to be better able to put it in it's proper context with clearer perspective, and can let go of it. I would like to start to do this with other vices, like eating when I don't need to.

5. I feel more calm, peaceful and relaxed.
Definitely I feel this way right after meditation, but also it is becoming easier to recall that feeling and return there throughout the day. Even though I have a long way to go, I just notice that I'm recognizing when I start to feel stressed or tense, and then I am able to remind myself that the situation is going to be whatever it is going to be, and I can only control how I respond to it. So, I allow myself to relax and just do what I can to make the situation better.

4. People can be so supportive.
As you may know, or can guess, opening myself up in this way - blogging about personal experiences in a deeply personal practice, like meditation - was a frightening thing for me. But I was compelled by Something greater than myself to walk through the fear. And so, it has been so nice to receive comments, phone calls, "likes," and positive feedback from so many of you, encouraging me and engaging in conversation. And even if we don't agree or connect with everything, I think dialog is so healthy to keep us all in check, so I welcome any discussion you may have. Thanks everyone for the support!

3. Being guided by God is the only way to go.
Meditating every day (when you're not already in the habit of it) is a challenge, but blogging about it every day is even more of a challenge. It's a good kind of exhausting. I've stopped thinking ahead about what I will say when I blog, and so when I sit down to start typing, it's been really cool how God just gives me the direction to go and the words to say. I don't have it in me alone. I've been a bit sleep-deprived lately, which usually that means no ideas, no words, no energy to write anything. So I know that its is He who is guiding me and giving me energy through the Holy Spirit to do this. It was His idea anyway; I might as well let Him do the hard stuff. :)

2. Scripture can be new and fresh every moment.
When I am open to the Spirit inside me, I find myself seeing things with new eyes and a new perspective. And when it comes to the Bible, God's Word comes alive! Verses, stories, and people I've read and learned about all my life pop off the pages in different ways, and speak directly into my heart. That has definitely happened to me in the last 10 days. I am experiencing what Paul writes in Hebrews, that the Word of God is living and active!

1. God is so, so good.
Through meditation I am continually reminded of God's goodness, His blessings, and His love. I am so very, very blessed. I love my life, and love the journey God is taking me on. My spirit finds rest in Him, and I am loved beyond measure.

Be Still and Know - Day 9

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

While I was reading in the Psalms today, two particular passages stood out to me and seemed to speak directly to experiences I have had in meditation.

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,

O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

~ Psalm 19:14

Yesterday I wrote about how my prayers have changed. How they have shifted from words spoken to God, to more of a direct communication from my soul to His Spirit and back. I've read this verse above hundreds of times, but I just today see that it seems to capture that distinction I realized about myself yesterday - the distinction between the words out of our mouths (or in our minds, or on paper) and the meditation of our hearts - that gut connection and communication between one's soul and God. He's not talking about our thoughts here, but our meditations. How cool is that?! Just to think that David (or someone in his reign) who wrote this poetic prayer to God ending with this verse, clearly understood this distinction. And 2000+ years later, it has become clear to me! Both our words AND our meditations are important and pleasing to God.

O Lord, you have searched me and you know me... Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O Lord... For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mothers womb... How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!... Search me, O God, and know my heart...

 ~ Psalm 139: 1, 4, 13, 17, 23

This entire Psalm 139 is filled with the intimacy between each of us and our Creator, and it, too, speaks to the reason why my prayers have do not always need words. Because I am fully known by God (even better than I know myself, because He knows the True Kim - the Kim I was created to be from even before my birth), He already knows the deep desires, longings, and needs I have. And when I open up myself to Him in meditation or prayer, I allow that flow of communication to take place. So, it's not that His knowledge of me means I don't need to pray. It's actually the opposite. I MUST pray so that the flow of communication is open. Prayer is not about God needing to know what I want or what what He needs to do for me, it's about me needing to know what I want and then really understanding what He wants. And the more I pray, or meditate, the easier it gets to keep that flow open even when I'm not in those quiet moments of prayer... the easier it becomes to praying without ceasing. (1 Thessalonians 5:16)

Today I meditated in the evening instead of the morning. Blogging at night about my meditation and my day has become a time of connection with God in and of itself. I still felt so "full" this morning when I awoke (just 5 short hours after I had blogged) that I actually forgot about meditation - as opposed to most days lately when I notice right away my need (and desire) for it. Interesting. Anyway, it was too late in the morning when I realized that I hadn't meditated... Not enough time before all the to-dos, so I decided to do it this evening.

The meditation was short and sweet - about 20 minutes or so. I focused on a universal truth about giving and receiving. As St. Francis of Assisi puts it: "It is in giving that we receive." As Jesus taught it: it is when you give yourself away, that you receive treasure in heaven (meaning heavenly treasure, the stuff that lasts - not necessarily just something you get when you die), and treat others the way you want to be treated (The Golden Rule), and you reap what you sow. Others may say it like this: what you put out into the universe is what flows back to you. During the meditation I acknowledged that an attitude of giving is the only posture to take, because it is only then that I can experience a fulfilled, abundant life. I am blessed to be a blessing! AND living life as a blessing to others is something that can only flow out of you if you are connected to the Source of blessing! My time in meditation reminded me of how very blessed I am.

That seems to be a theme doesn't it. :)

Be Still and Know - Day 8

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

 

Hope you had a chance to catch up on the last 5 days. While meditating every day has been wonderful, and blogging about it every day has been very cathartic, it takes a lot of time and energy. So, the two day break was nice... but I'm ready to tell you more! :)

On Day 6 my meditation was brief and good. I ended being connected to my Source and ready to face the day! The time in meditation was not anything spectacular, but as the day went on I noticed a greater sense of calmness and more ease in letting stressing things go. That day I had to drive about an hour in morning traffic to speak at a moms' group. Plenty of stressors there! But it really didn't get to me like it totally could have! I felt recognizably calm and at ease along the drive. And as is typical, there were slight issues with setting up for my presentation (finding best outlet, computer needing rebooting, projector set up, painted wall for a screen, etc.) which didn't end up shaking me at all. And my nerves were practically non-existent when it came to my speech. How in the world this was the case is a mystery to me! Well, maybe not... maybe this time in meditation, connecting with God in this way, is truly changing the way I react to the world around me!

On Day 7 in my time of meditation I found myself overwhelmed with God. Gratefulness, thankfulness, and gratitude welled up inside and I just felt so very blessed. Not with earthly treasures, but with forever treasures, like life and "being" itself, and God himself, and relationships with family and friends - and even relationships yet to be discovered. It almost felt tangible around me. I felt lovingly and intensely embraced and held by a mighty, mighty God. Words really fail here to express to you the depth of what I experienced. Afterwards, I wrote a short poem, called Words Fall Short. Now I am not a writer of poetry at all. I've never enjoyed it; it's never flowed out of me; and I'm not really good at it. In fact I may have not written one since an assignment back in elementary school. But this is the second time in this season of life that I was compelled to compose a poem. Rereading my poem, I'm not particularly moved or compelled by it in some emotional way, but it was an instinctual, spiritual response to what I felt. THAT is evidence of the creative, imaginative self that has come alive since I began this journey inward this year. So cool!

Words Fall Short

 Creator. Source. Being…. God

Know. Love. Are…. me

Embrace. Warmth. Beauty… surround

All. In. Now… is

You.

And then Day 8 - today's meditation was mainly deeply relaxing. I even drifted to sleep a bit today. The craziness of my schedule lately has meant less sleep. I'm typically a 8-9 hour a night gal, meaning that's truly what I need to feel like myself. And it's been at least a week since I've gotten close to that in any given night. SO I know my body is needing sleep, and I think it's okay that that happened today. It was almost like even in the minute or so I may have dozed, that in itself was God loving on me, and giving me what I needed.

When I finished meditating, it occurred to me that I would love to go walk the labyrinth today, and so later in the day I found about 30 minutes to do so.

There is an outdoor labyrinth open to the public at Richland College which I visit sometimes. The labyrinth is another ancient spiritual practice which I have come to LOVE. It looks kind of like a circular maze, but it is not a maze at all. It is one winding path toward the center, which also then returns from the center - no decisions to make as to which way to go, and no dead ends. One typical way to use the Labyrinth is with the 3 Rs. As you enter the labyrinth you clear your mind, open your heart and you release to God whatever you need to, staying open to the Spirit as you walk. Then when you reach the center you receive from God whatever he has for you, in prayer, song, meditation, stillness, or just being. Then as you follow the path back out, you return into the world refreshed and renewed by the Spirit. It is a lovely practice - also very meditative in nature. (There is also another public, outdoor one at SMU. And my favorite labyrinth is at St. Thomas University in Houston. Wish it was closer!)

Sometimes I receive something specific in the labyrinth, other times I just experience peace. Sometimes it just allows me time to focus and think.

Today the realization I had while in the Labyrinth was that the method of my prayers has changed over the last year, and especially in this last week of meditating. Since I was a little girl, my prayers have always consisted of me saying words to God in my head asking him for certain things, or asking for His blessing on certain things, or telling him how much I love and thank Him, even asking him to guide me and tell me what I should do about certain things. But when I began to try that in the Labyrinth today, it didn't feel right anymore. It felt like I was saying words to hear myself talk (even in my own head). I almost immediately stopped, mid-sentence. And as I kept walking it dawned on me that I pray differently now. My prayers now seem to come from deep within my heart. Unspoken yearnings, desires, hopes, wonders. Not words spoken in my head. Not words at all. But a direct connection and communication between my Spirit and the Holy Spirit. As if, since there is already a true knowing of me by God Himself, that when I am connected to Him in meditation or this way of praying, the prayer is already there. (Does that make any sense to you at all? This is really hard to put in words. Sorry.) It's not that I think I am or was wrong to pray that way necessarily, but I just realize there's been a shift in me... and I'll take it!

Loving this journey!
Thanks for reading about it.

Be Still and Know - Day 5

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Today's meditation time was great!

Side Note: What I'm about to share will sound really "wooey hooey" (for lack of a better term... you get my drift, right?... well, you will in a minute) to many of you, as it did for me in my first introductions to this kind of thing. But, since you've stayed with me for 5 days, maybe you can just go with me here. :) Please have an open heart to the creative way God made us to be and the imagination God gave us. That will help you to accept this beautiful way of experiencing connectedness with God.

I put on my music, relaxed and began to focus on my breath and my being. I envisioned my feet having roots that anchor them and grow downward through the earth, connecting me to the earth's core - the core of God's creation. Then I imagined the warm energy coming up from the core into and through my body all the way to my head. I then pictured a cord of energy from my head up into the heavens to God and his vastness, and His energy flowing, cool and refreshing back to me, tingling down my spine. I felt completely grounded and connected to my Source, The Source of all Being. What a secure feeling! I then began to focus on what was with me that didn't belong to me - feelings, thoughts, that were not who I truly am. Nothing specifically came to mind, but whatever they may be, I let them go. Then I began to focus on what was not with me that should be, what did belong to me, and called for it's return. (Okay, I totally get that this sounds crazy. I am even having trouble typing it. But I have to tell you that it was really amazing. And, well, you'll just have to trust me.)   It was at that point that two very distinct people - and my thoughts/reactions toward them - came into my mind. In both very different cases the day before, I had not chosen the right way. I had done wrong. This point of my meditation became the most real and impactful time of confession and repentance I have ever had.

First of all, I had not even realized my wrongs until this moment... Okay, well maybe a fleeting thought that I overreacted, or that I was being judgemental. But obviously I had told myself in both cases that it wasn't a big deal, and I went on my way, leaving the sin out there without confession or repentance. So when these two people - themselves spiritual beings deeply loved by God, who I had wronged - came into my mind, I immediately felt sorrow for my wrongs, deep love for them, and a desire for repentance I have not experienced (or at least not for a long time.) Secondly, as "imaginative" as this seems, this was such a more real revelation of my wrongs than any prayer I've ever offered up as confession. Because I was in this place of being tethered to God himself (the roots and the cord connecting me to God and the universe), this confession came directly from the heart of God to the heart of God. I had no other suitable gift or response than complete repentance - a change of heart.

After God revealed these things to me, and gave me this opportunity for confession that I had not even known I needed, I was able to feel complete and whole, relaxed and peaceful as I ended my time of meditation. Reflecting back now, I realize that God only revealed two occurrences of my sin. I don't know if these things were the only two unresolved issues, or if they were two specifically important issues, or if it was just his unending and unfathomable mercy to only show me a peak into the dark, icky side of myself, and this was all I could handle. Likely the latter.

What a blessing! I am overflowing now with gratefulness for God's immense mercy toward me, and His unfailing love!

I think today I realized first hand how so very important confession and repentance is. It is something we have taken out of our prayers, out of the church, out of our practices. Everyone makes mistakes, so we just chalk it up to that, and let those mistakes just slide on by. But if we leave our sins - our wrong- thinking and wrong-doings - unchecked and unchallenged, they will become part of us like warts or tumors on our bodies. And soon we may just choose to find fashionable ways of covering them up instead of dealing with and removing them to be truly healthy again. I believe that goes for collective humanity, the collective Church, and us individually.

Frederica Mathewes-Green says in her book The Illumined Heart, "Repentance is the doorway to the spiritual life, the only way to begin. It is also the pathway itself, the only way to continue. Anything else is foolishness and self-delusion... Repentance is the source of life and joy."

This I have experienced today.

She also points out, "The Greek word for repentance, metanoia, means a transformation of the mind, whereby greater clarity and insight are obtained."

May it be so!

Be Still and Know - Day 4

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Weekend schedule meant that I meditated at about 8 this morning (much better than 5:30!). When I'm not in the house alone, I've started using my iPod for my soft, meditative music. It works great to drown out the extra noises, and to not bother anyone else.

This morning's meditation was not anything extraordinary, but it was still purposeful and fulfilling. This morning for some reason it was more difficult to focus. I think it was partially the fact that Leon isn't home (on a camping trip with Emily), so I felt like I needed to be aware of what the boys were doing and if they needed me, I didn't want to be fully lost in meditation... kind of the same reason I don't sleep as well when he's gone. 

Those random interrupting thoughts seemed to flood in, and as much as I released them, more came. So I ended up more in a mode of prayer than meditation, just offering up certain people to God as they came to my mind. There was a bit of a difference than the usual prayer time, though. Today I feel like I allowed the Spirit to guide what and who I prayed for more, rather than coming to him with my list. And I ended my time of prayer/meditation very relaxed and ready for my day once again.

I'm still working through my pride or whatever you'd call it in me that cares what other people think. I'm doing my best to be completely open and honest on the blog, here. And it is hard for me to not think that some people will be questioning my practices or my ways of thinking... mainly because I know how I was not so very long ago. I would have judged. Yet, as the days go by, I think I'm letting it go more and more. I actually did feel lighter and more free today... free from that concern.

I attended a women's event today, and it was really a wonderful experience that was so congruent with my meditative experiences...
1) I love people! I saw so many faces of friends, mentors, young and old, long-time and brand-new. That, in and of itself, filled my heart!
2) A few ladies shared stories from their own lives of joy in the midst of pain, hope springing from tragedy, and love abounding where once there was none. Not only were the stories touching, but I felt as if I connected so much more with what they were saying - not because I've necessarily experienced the same level of deep pain, struggles, or tragedy, but because I just felt the Spirit's presence there with us in a very tangible way, as they opened their hearts. All of us in the room were collectively as one, during those moments. Beautiful.
3) A new friend of mine was the "featured speaker" for the event. Though I knew she was a writer and preacher (well, since she's a She, we don't seem to use that word, but that's what she is) and a great encourager, I had not yet heard her speak before. Well, let me tell you, she brought it! With grace, authenticity, wisdom and such eloquence, she spoke of our need for Rest, for Rest in God, no matter how crappy life is, or how wonderful life is, at any given moment. Her words spoke to my soul and reinforced my calling to silence and contemplative practices. I am so grateful for her and the way God speaks through her.

You and I - and every person in this universe - are spiritual beings, deeply loved by our Creator, invited and called to live an abundant and fulfilling life, whatever our circumstances may be. I think we (the big collective "we") are rediscovering this... rediscovering our spiritual selves - our true selves - the selves we were created to be. 

So let's rediscover! ...and then not ever forget!

Be Still and Know - Day 3

If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.

As I write tonight, this morning's meditation seems a decade ago. After what happened yesterday, I realized that I needed to start early. I got up at 5:30 to meditate. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be. I think the excitement and expectation is still so new and fresh with this that I was happy to get to spend time in His Presence. I can see why meditating twice a day is preferred by most. It's like I can't wait until tomorrow morning when I can meet with God again! Somehow meditation makes me feel closer to God than the typical prayer and Bible reading I have done in "Quiet Times" over the years. Not to diminish those times at all! But this is just different, like I'm truly in His presence - my soul with His Spirit - hard to describe. Just different. And wonderful. Probably because I'm learning to do a lot more listening, and a lot less talking.

During meditation I pictured myself ascending toward God and said, "I want to come and be with you (I envisioned three energies of light - Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit - together as one, yet separate, too. It was such a beautiful sight!)... The response I heard was, "You ARE ALWAYS with us." How lovely that was to hear. I felt that I experienced a touch of heaven during meditation today.

Oh, and I spent about 40 minutes in meditation this morning - longer than I expected, but oh, so nice!

My day was packed full, but I found about 15 minutes this afternoon to just sit and be. I didn't really enter into a time of meditation, but I did relax, close my eyes, and enjoyed the peaceful presence of God again. It was a great midday refresher.

There is a part of this meditation thing that I'm struggling with a bit. Let me see if I can work through it here as I type...

In meditation, I am to focus on going inward - focusing on myself. I've been taught over and over that our lives as Christians should be about focusing on others, loving our neighbors, sharing our faith, spreading the Word, i.e. keep the focus out there... and that focus on ourselves is prideful, selfish, and wrong. I do believe that we are called to deny ourselves, die to ourselves, as Christ called us to do. So this direct focus on myself during meditation is hard for me competlely indulge in. I keep thinking, "Is it wrong to spend all this energy and time on myself? Shouldn't I be praying for all those people who need it." It's as if I have a responsibility to others, and I'm letting them down by being "selfish" in this meditation.

On the other hand, I know that going inside myself through meditation or other forms of contemplative practices, and discovering the Christ within me - coming in contact with the Divine Source of everything, and getting to understand more fully who that Divine Source created me to be - is SO VERY IMPORTANT.  It is recorded that Jesus himself took time to meditate - early in the morning, into the night, and for hours at a time. It was at times he knew he needed to be connected completely with the Father in order to fulfill the life he came to live and give. So, I don't think when Jesus called us to deny ourselves or die to ourselves, that he meant we were deny our Source of being, our growth toward Him, or the fulfilling life he promised to give us. (John 10:10) No, in fact, connecting to God personally, inwardly, is how we are then able to set our own agendas aside (die to self) and to love others and be known by that love (John 13:35). Living out Love requires that we posess Love, God's Love, Agape Love, so that we can give it away. And how can we better receive that Love to give away, than to be with the Source of that Love through meditation.

I believe that my process of going inward and dealing with whatever God brings to my attention that needs changing - and becoming better and closer to who he created me to be - is exactly what allows me to THEN focus on others with a better perspective - one where I am not in charge of changing others or making them believe certain things. I'm just able to let the love I receive from the Source to flow more purely and fully to those around me. And THAT is what brings the abundant fulfilling life into our world to be enjoyed.

It's one of those tough paradoxes of life: We have to focus on ourselves to deal with our stuff so that we can then focus on others in the right way.

One more thing to note: Besides the random thoughts or noises that try to take my focus away from meditating, I am realizing that now I am battling the tendency to think about how I will word my blog post! So while I'm experiencing a wonderful moment or feeling, I start to say, It will read best to say it this way or that way... , AGHHH!!! How crazy is that!? I'm interrupting my OWN time of meditation, being my own obstacle!

I even heard God tell me, "Kim, this time is about you, not them... Be with Me, and I'll give you the words to write later."

So, hopefully I let Him guide my writing tonight... Goodnight.

Be Still and Know - Day 2

If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first... then Day 1.


I told you I'd be completely real with you guys...

So, I already messed up a little. Here's how it went. I obviously was supposed to meditate in the morning. I planned to do so right after I posted the blog entries. Well, in all the fun I had writing, I let time get away from me and before I knew it I looked up and had 20 minutes to be at the school with Chick-fil-A in hand to have lunch with the kids as I had promised them. SO, meditating had to wait... as well as a shower and make-up.

I did meditate, but it was 1:25 in the afternoon before I got to it.

I actually was surprised that I was able to relax and have a decent time of meditation right smack dab in the middle of the day. I had been frustrated that I was already deviating from my intended plan, and I was hurried to make sure I fit it in between the scheduled events of the day. But once I put on the quieting music, got into a comfortable position, and started focusing on my breath, I was able to let the day around me fade. I went inward, and it was so nice. Sure, the random thoughts still came in, but I acknowledged and then dismissed them.

Today I meditated on my relationship with the Spirit and how that shapes the way I see the world and relate to it. God is limitless. That is such a HUGE concept to grasp or even imagine. Yet, we have direct access to that limitlessness! God's Spirit within us connects us directly to limitless possibilities. It was hard for me to even meditate on, but it was great to try. I acknowledged that there are things that hold me back from experiencing all God has for me. And I recognized that the level of my connectedness with the Spirit is proportionate to the level of abundant life I experience.  I really focused on connecting with the Spirit and allowing Her (sorry, I know for some of you this is weird, but I think of the Holy Spirit as feminine - as much as God is masculine - as God really is neither male nor female, He's God ... topic for another day, but just go with it for now. :)) to guide my thoughts and focus on the vastness of the One who created All. Wow. Huge concepts here. Too big to even scratch the surface of... but it was so nice to just try.

I again ended the time of meditation feeling very relaxed, peaceful, and full. I would say that today's experience was less exhilarating, but maybe more mindful. Less emotional, but more thoughtful.

I had to jump right back in to my day, and honestly the transition was just fine. I would have liked to linger longer and soak in things more, but it was okay. The rest of my day went as usual. I think my mood and reactions to things has maybe been more even the last two days due to the meditation. Too soon to really tell for sure. But it's also nice journaling about it. Helps to work through it all.

Tomorrow I will be getting up early to meditate. Let's see how this goes.

Be Still and Know - Day 1

If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.

Today I'm entering into a challenge to meditate for 21 days straight... and I'm blogging about my experiences.



Thoughts before I begin:

• I'm completely excited - like bubbly excited - giddy, thrilled for what God has for me!
• I am excited to think about the others around the world who are also meditating, and think of how I am entering into a practice which somehow connects us all.
• I am interested to see how God will use this particular practice in me, and what in particular may be different than other ways I've prayed or listened to him before.
• I am open to what I need to learn in this new, different way of being silent. I am aware that raising the veil, so-to-speak, into the spiritual world opens me up to both good and evil possibilities. However, I feel firm knowing that through my grounding in Christ and the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I will be able to recognize and discern the difference. I am ready to deal with my own stuff - the negative, icky stuff that is inside of me - so that I may work through it and be released from it - or at least learn how to begin to do that.

When God called me to silence this year, I had no idea what was to come. I am thankful that I have found so many ways the world is also being called to the same thing. We must all begin to awaken to the reality inside of us. God created us and called us to His Kingdom purposes. THIS collective awakening to the spark inside each of us will bring the Kingdom - through more love, creativity, hope, and peace.


During meditation:

• I chose to sit in a chair with both feet on the ground, my back gently against the back of the chair, and my hands relaxed on my lap and turned upward... not too comfortable as to lounge and possibly fall asleep, and not too uncomfortable as to make me think about my discomfort the whole time.
• I also chose to have soft meditative music playing - sounds of nature and music together. This kind of helped to mask the little creaks of the house, squirrels on the roof, cars driving by, etc.
• I began by breathing deeply. Then I began to focus on thinking about the abundant life God has for me, about how all around me are signs of how much He loves me and how much I've been given - my family, friends, home, community.
• Other thoughts came in trying to interrupt me: am I sitting properly?... how much time should I spend meditating?... how much time has it been already?... what was that noise outside?.. I have to make sure to text Leon to ask about his meeting.... Remember to get grapes...
• I know that interrupting thoughts are normal, so as they came I just recognized them, let them go, and returned to my breath and my abundant life.
• I noticed as I relaxed my eyes, I could see waves of different shades of darkness going in and around, like a wooshy screen saver on a PC.
• I continued to just be. I just tried to feel, to experience what God had for me. I listened.
• Thankfulness, gratitude welled up inside of me, filling my whole being. My physical body felt almost numb and slightly tingly, while my inner self was so alive, full, complete. Words fail me here.
• I noticed a smile on my face, and ever so slight tears in my eyes. I felt so relaxed and peaceful. Also overwhelmed with joy.
• When I came back to awareness of my breath and my body and opened my eyes, it had been about 20 minutes.

Thoughts after meditation:

• I still feel a bit numb and tingly. Don't really know why. I guess it's like being really, really relaxed. A smile is still on my face.
• It was hard for me to come back to "reality" because I was really enjoying meditating, just being in the space where God is! I feel so loved and grateful for all that I have.
• Here are some thoughts I'm having:
• Abundant life is...  Joy, peace, love in each moment. Recognizing the richness of all we have been given. Sucking the marrow out of life so much so that the life inside us overflows into the world around us expressed as the Fruits of the Spirit: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-Control...
• I feel so abundantly blessed by my family, my relationship with the Divine, my friends, my love and service toward others, my calling and my God-given passions.
• I want to be continually connected to the Source of the abundance, so that in each moment I am awake and aware of what that moment has for me and how I can give back to it.
• I feel so full, happy, smiling, relaxed. I feel such love for life.
• I know that each day of meditation will not necessarily be filled with such elation. I think that beginning this challenge has added some thrill. But I also know that I am ready. I am so ready. I am so wanting to go deeper toward the Christ within me. I want to get to know my Creator better. I want to get to know myself better - my TRUE self - the person I was created to be. I am open and available for what these days of meditation have for me.
• I wonder if I will continue daily meditation after these 21 days are over.

Later in the day:

So, I wondered how this exhilarating meditation time in the morning would carry on through the day. Would I promptly forget and return to the humdrum life? or would I be able to carry the gratitude and love with me in each moment? Well, my day probably fell somewhere in between. I don't know what can be directly linked to my time in meditation, or what was happenstance, or what was just me being me, but here are some things I observed.

• While the day had some stressers, I was still in a great mood throughout the day, able to take things in stride.
• I still had moments of frustration with the kiddos, or time constraints, or people being people, but nothing out of the ordinary.
• A few times throughout the day I remembered my time of meditation and brought myself back into the moment. For me, being in the moment gives me life, puts things into perspective, and adds to the overall abundant life, making me more loving and filled with life.
• As I went to bed, I remembered that some people suggest to meditate twice a day: once in the morning and once before dinner. I didn't do that, and honestly before dinner is probably the craziest time of my day, so it likely will not happen. Although, maybe I'll try it sometime with all the kids... Hmmm, that could make for a peaceful evening in the Verriere house... I might be on to something there!

What a great beginning! It's been really great writing this all down. As I get into a groove, every day's posts won't be this long, I'm sure. I get chills thinking about how God can awaken us all to a deeper relationship with Him. So glad you're following my journey here. :)

Be Still and Know - Introduction

As some of you may know, this year has been a true year of growing for me. It's exhilarating, really.

Spend time in silence. That's what I heard God say to me early this year when I was in that "New Year's Resolution mode" thinking about what I needed to focus on in 2012. It was an odd, and pretty vague directive, I thought, but I began to try it. I mean, I know that this life as mom of four is completely consuming and crazy, and slowing down for some silence could only serve me well. And I would need to be intentional about making time for silence, or it would never come. So, I just started. First I began by turning off the radio in the car more. I left the TV off when I was home more. I became more observant when I was able to have alone-time, and I practiced listening to that still, small Voice more... even in the shower.

As the weeks and months went by I found myself reading about the ancient contemplative practices of the Christian faith: about meditation and centering prayer, about lectio divina and the Jesus Prayer. I went to a workshop on, of all things, walking the Labyrinth. I discovered friends and family who were open to engaging in conversation about these things that were not often discussed in my usual circles.

Reflecting back now, I realize that it was God who placed these books, this workshop, these people, and this way of thinking into my life. I had not even  gone looking for them! Rather, just being aware of this "call to silence," I was open to them, and responded as they were put in my path.

 

Isaiah 30:20-21 says, "Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” 

This is what was (and is still) happening to me.

Over the months, I've begun to try out some of these contemplative techniques, and let me tell you, my soul has come alive! My relationship with God now has a richness, a depth, that I didn't even know I was missing... and the really cool thing is: I now see that there is infinitely more for me to experience!

I have also begun a new venture/adventure speaking to church groups, women's groups, etc. Throughout the years I have been asked to speak on occasion, but I now am focusing on doing this more regularly, as I feel compelled to share lessons from my journey - especially this process of going inward through contemplative practices, being in the moment, and experiencing the abundant life He created us for.  (see John 10:10)

I recently spoke for the first time on this topic to my own moms group. Can I just tell you that it was not easy! Speaking about something so deeply personal as your own relationship with the Holy Spirit, and your own inner-self, takes nerve. I might have chosen to keep it safe, and speak on an easier topic, if it were not for the bubbling up and bursting out of this inside of me (like Peter and John in Acts "We cannot help speaking about what we have seen and heard," or Jeremiah who said if he didn't speak the word of God it was "like a fire shut up in my bones"). And while speaking to friends and peers brings a level of comfort on one hand, on the other hand, it added a bit of extra pressure. I was revealing a part of myself to them that they might have never seen before. I was laying it all out there for them to possibly reject. This topic isn't the usual. Since it isn't something tangible and provable, there is room for differences in opinion; there is room for judgement.

But I did it. I shared my heart... And it was received nicely, with love and encouragement.... Whew!

In fact, there was interest by a few moms to hear more, to continue the conversation! There are some of you who are really interested and even hungry for this kind of deep, inward relationship with God, too. How thrilling! So the question is, what can I do to facilitate that - especially when I'm really just beginning this contemplative journey myself?

Within my presentation, I shared my own story along this journey - well, as much as an hour of time would allow. And some friends have suggested that I should share more personal life experiences and practical application. Since an hour-long talk doesn't allow for too much more of that, it's been suggested that I should blog about my experiences.

SO... I have chosen this experiment.

I am going to blog daily for 30 days about my own participation in meditation.

If you care to, feel free to follow along. I'll post my blog to facebook each day, as well, to make it easy. And I certainly welcome your comments and thoughts as we go. I'll do my best to be open and authentic with my thoughts and experiences, if you'll do your best to respect that I'm putting myself out there. :)

As I share my experiences, I do tend to wonder what you'll think...
Maybe some of you will wonder what the draw is.
Maybe some will be intrigued and try meditating someday.
Maybe some of you practice meditation or centering prayer, and will be thrilled for me, knowing how wonderful it is already!
And honestly, I'd bet some will even worry about me straying from the safety of traditional Baptist practices.
I hope and pray that, no matter what lens you see my experiences through, each of you who read along will open your hearts to how God may be calling you to go deeper with him and closer to who He created you to be, too.

Here I go...