Be Still and Know - Day 5

[If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.]

Today's meditation time was great!

Side Note: What I'm about to share will sound really "wooey hooey" (for lack of a better term... you get my drift, right?... well, you will in a minute) to many of you, as it did for me in my first introductions to this kind of thing. But, since you've stayed with me for 5 days, maybe you can just go with me here. :) Please have an open heart to the creative way God made us to be and the imagination God gave us. That will help you to accept this beautiful way of experiencing connectedness with God.

I put on my music, relaxed and began to focus on my breath and my being. I envisioned my feet having roots that anchor them and grow downward through the earth, connecting me to the earth's core - the core of God's creation. Then I imagined the warm energy coming up from the core into and through my body all the way to my head. I then pictured a cord of energy from my head up into the heavens to God and his vastness, and His energy flowing, cool and refreshing back to me, tingling down my spine. I felt completely grounded and connected to my Source, The Source of all Being. What a secure feeling! I then began to focus on what was with me that didn't belong to me - feelings, thoughts, that were not who I truly am. Nothing specifically came to mind, but whatever they may be, I let them go. Then I began to focus on what was not with me that should be, what did belong to me, and called for it's return. (Okay, I totally get that this sounds crazy. I am even having trouble typing it. But I have to tell you that it was really amazing. And, well, you'll just have to trust me.)   It was at that point that two very distinct people - and my thoughts/reactions toward them - came into my mind. In both very different cases the day before, I had not chosen the right way. I had done wrong. This point of my meditation became the most real and impactful time of confession and repentance I have ever had.

First of all, I had not even realized my wrongs until this moment... Okay, well maybe a fleeting thought that I overreacted, or that I was being judgemental. But obviously I had told myself in both cases that it wasn't a big deal, and I went on my way, leaving the sin out there without confession or repentance. So when these two people - themselves spiritual beings deeply loved by God, who I had wronged - came into my mind, I immediately felt sorrow for my wrongs, deep love for them, and a desire for repentance I have not experienced (or at least not for a long time.) Secondly, as "imaginative" as this seems, this was such a more real revelation of my wrongs than any prayer I've ever offered up as confession. Because I was in this place of being tethered to God himself (the roots and the cord connecting me to God and the universe), this confession came directly from the heart of God to the heart of God. I had no other suitable gift or response than complete repentance - a change of heart.

After God revealed these things to me, and gave me this opportunity for confession that I had not even known I needed, I was able to feel complete and whole, relaxed and peaceful as I ended my time of meditation. Reflecting back now, I realize that God only revealed two occurrences of my sin. I don't know if these things were the only two unresolved issues, or if they were two specifically important issues, or if it was just his unending and unfathomable mercy to only show me a peak into the dark, icky side of myself, and this was all I could handle. Likely the latter.

What a blessing! I am overflowing now with gratefulness for God's immense mercy toward me, and His unfailing love!

I think today I realized first hand how so very important confession and repentance is. It is something we have taken out of our prayers, out of the church, out of our practices. Everyone makes mistakes, so we just chalk it up to that, and let those mistakes just slide on by. But if we leave our sins - our wrong- thinking and wrong-doings - unchecked and unchallenged, they will become part of us like warts or tumors on our bodies. And soon we may just choose to find fashionable ways of covering them up instead of dealing with and removing them to be truly healthy again. I believe that goes for collective humanity, the collective Church, and us individually.

Frederica Mathewes-Green says in her book The Illumined Heart, "Repentance is the doorway to the spiritual life, the only way to begin. It is also the pathway itself, the only way to continue. Anything else is foolishness and self-delusion... Repentance is the source of life and joy."

This I have experienced today.

She also points out, "The Greek word for repentance, metanoia, means a transformation of the mind, whereby greater clarity and insight are obtained."

May it be so!