Be Still and Know - Day 3

If you're just now joining in, you may want to read my introduction first.

As I write tonight, this morning's meditation seems a decade ago. After what happened yesterday, I realized that I needed to start early. I got up at 5:30 to meditate. It wasn't as difficult as I thought it might be. I think the excitement and expectation is still so new and fresh with this that I was happy to get to spend time in His Presence. I can see why meditating twice a day is preferred by most. It's like I can't wait until tomorrow morning when I can meet with God again! Somehow meditation makes me feel closer to God than the typical prayer and Bible reading I have done in "Quiet Times" over the years. Not to diminish those times at all! But this is just different, like I'm truly in His presence - my soul with His Spirit - hard to describe. Just different. And wonderful. Probably because I'm learning to do a lot more listening, and a lot less talking.

During meditation I pictured myself ascending toward God and said, "I want to come and be with you (I envisioned three energies of light - Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit - together as one, yet separate, too. It was such a beautiful sight!)... The response I heard was, "You ARE ALWAYS with us." How lovely that was to hear. I felt that I experienced a touch of heaven during meditation today.

Oh, and I spent about 40 minutes in meditation this morning - longer than I expected, but oh, so nice!

My day was packed full, but I found about 15 minutes this afternoon to just sit and be. I didn't really enter into a time of meditation, but I did relax, close my eyes, and enjoyed the peaceful presence of God again. It was a great midday refresher.

There is a part of this meditation thing that I'm struggling with a bit. Let me see if I can work through it here as I type...

In meditation, I am to focus on going inward - focusing on myself. I've been taught over and over that our lives as Christians should be about focusing on others, loving our neighbors, sharing our faith, spreading the Word, i.e. keep the focus out there... and that focus on ourselves is prideful, selfish, and wrong. I do believe that we are called to deny ourselves, die to ourselves, as Christ called us to do. So this direct focus on myself during meditation is hard for me competlely indulge in. I keep thinking, "Is it wrong to spend all this energy and time on myself? Shouldn't I be praying for all those people who need it." It's as if I have a responsibility to others, and I'm letting them down by being "selfish" in this meditation.

On the other hand, I know that going inside myself through meditation or other forms of contemplative practices, and discovering the Christ within me - coming in contact with the Divine Source of everything, and getting to understand more fully who that Divine Source created me to be - is SO VERY IMPORTANT.  It is recorded that Jesus himself took time to meditate - early in the morning, into the night, and for hours at a time. It was at times he knew he needed to be connected completely with the Father in order to fulfill the life he came to live and give. So, I don't think when Jesus called us to deny ourselves or die to ourselves, that he meant we were deny our Source of being, our growth toward Him, or the fulfilling life he promised to give us. (John 10:10) No, in fact, connecting to God personally, inwardly, is how we are then able to set our own agendas aside (die to self) and to love others and be known by that love (John 13:35). Living out Love requires that we posess Love, God's Love, Agape Love, so that we can give it away. And how can we better receive that Love to give away, than to be with the Source of that Love through meditation.

I believe that my process of going inward and dealing with whatever God brings to my attention that needs changing - and becoming better and closer to who he created me to be - is exactly what allows me to THEN focus on others with a better perspective - one where I am not in charge of changing others or making them believe certain things. I'm just able to let the love I receive from the Source to flow more purely and fully to those around me. And THAT is what brings the abundant fulfilling life into our world to be enjoyed.

It's one of those tough paradoxes of life: We have to focus on ourselves to deal with our stuff so that we can then focus on others in the right way.

One more thing to note: Besides the random thoughts or noises that try to take my focus away from meditating, I am realizing that now I am battling the tendency to think about how I will word my blog post! So while I'm experiencing a wonderful moment or feeling, I start to say, It will read best to say it this way or that way... , AGHHH!!! How crazy is that!? I'm interrupting my OWN time of meditation, being my own obstacle!

I even heard God tell me, "Kim, this time is about you, not them... Be with Me, and I'll give you the words to write later."

So, hopefully I let Him guide my writing tonight... Goodnight.