A Human Experience

I am feeling very human today.

In the way it is sometimes said that we are not humans beings who have spiritual experiences, but we are spiritual beings having a human experience, I am feeling particularly human today.

Overwhelmed. Sad. Lonely. Disconnected. Mechanically moving through the day. Accomplishing nothing. Stuck in perpetual thought. Not understanding why.

I have an awareness that my soul, my True spiritual Self is still there, but she can't seem to be heard by my this human thing going on today. She's just there observing, with compassion and understanding, waiting for an opening to embrace and enter and envelop me once again.

Where is the sadness coming from? Why do I have such an empty tank? What is it that is missing? Am I doing something wrong?

I have felt inklings of this over the last month or so, but have avoided the depths of it for the most part. Talking myself out of it. Acting myself out of it. I guess there is only so far that "fake it 'til you make it" will go. I should have known: avoiding it doesn't work. So today I find myself sitting in it - well, wallowing in it - and trying desperately to work through it. It stinks. There is nothing fun about it. I don't feel like myself.

Yet I know God is here.
I know there is another side, and I will make it there.
I know God is good, and that I have something to learn in all this humanity.
May my sitting in it - my allowing space for it - prove beneficial in shaping me more into who I have been created to be.

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

 

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

 

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

 

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your Name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

-Hillsong United, Oceans

When you're going through something very human - sadness, depression, addiction, grief, anxiety - and you can only muster the energy to just take the next step, you really just need someone near you to know and to care. While having a someone with human skin to fill that role is always good, we must remember that God is nearer to us and cares more for us than we can ever imagine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.

~ Isaiah 43:2