Vulnerability

It is really hard to be vulnerable with someone. There seems to be so much to lose! A sense of security and pride. An important facade. A certain reputation. A fear of being hurt & judged. I hold to these things with a death-grip.

When conversation takes a step deeper, I have a choice to make: Keep it simple and surface-level (oh, how many times have I just stayed there!) or open up, test the waters and dive in.

A vulnerable, open heart is just what I need to have sometimes. Sharing our hurts, our struggles, our joys and our journeys is what friendships are made of... and made for! When I let pride or fears get in the way of my vulnerability, I miss out on the blessing true friendships can be. God uses friends in our lives - old ones and new ones - to teach us things, to guide us with their words, encourage us and comfort us.

Good friends serve as our cohorts on the mission to be who we're created to be. And friends don't become good friends without some good soul-bearing vulnerability once in a while.

I've been blessed by some wonderful conversations with some friends lately. I feel as if the blessings were just there waiting for the opening up to occur. I'm so thrilled I chose to dive in.

Presence

Be in the moment.
Be present.
Live Love here and now.

 

I'm working on it.

 

It's interesting how our culture, our western way of thinking, pushes us to dwell on just about anything but the current moment. We're taught to set goals and strive to reach them. Then we focus so much on the arrival point in the future, that once we're there, never having lived in the moment, we have no idea how to enjoy the point of arrival. We aren't taught to be content, but to live for the future. We say, I'll be so happy when I get that degree, when I meet that perfect someone, when I save enough for a new car/house/vacation, when my kids are this old or that old, when I can finally afford to travel, when I finally have time to do this or that....

Do we live for the future so much that we miss living?
Is there any wonder we find it hard to hear God speak to us when we're hardly ever present in the moment?

On a daily level, I struggle with things like this all the time...

• I miss the joy of tucking my kids in at night, when I'm just thinking about the alone-time Leon and I will have after they are all asleep.
• I miss the message in the sermon, when I'm making my afternoon to-do list, or planning lunch in my head while I sit in the pew.
• I miss the beautiful cloud formations and the sweet face of the kid at the busstop, when I'm driving home zoned-out, creating a plan of action for the next task.
• I miss a gift a person has for me, because I'm not really listening or paying attention to what she or he has to say or offer. 

How do we live present in the moment, AND still plan for the future, learn from the past, and make it through the busy suburban life?

I don't yet fully know, but here are a few ideas I'm holding on to, for now:

 

• Being content with who I am, what I have, and where I am. In doing that, I let go of the past and the future, and can rest fully - with freedom - in the present to enjoy life and allow Love to flow freely through me.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be g

iven to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow

will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:33-34

• Breathing deeply and feeling the God-given life within my body. When I do that, I connect with my soul, the essense of who I am, and it brings security in something/One greater than I.
• Having an awareness of my breath, my thoughts, my self, and of others, the Holy Spirit, the world around me. That "tuning in," so to speak, allows the quiet whispers of the Divine to direct me.

But it is the spirit in a person, the breath of the Almighty, that gives them understanding. 

 Job 32:8

• Seeking silence whenever I can - in the shower in the morning, when I'm alone in the car, meditating on His Word and in His Presence. Silence is a wonderful gift - new to this busy, extroverted, talkative me. I am so grateful God led me to seek silence in 2012 as a "New Year's Resolution" kind of challenge. It has been the catalyst to wonderful deepening communion with God. 

He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalms 46:10

I have been much more peaceful and less anxious since I've been on this particular part of my journey. And because of that I feel like love has flowed more freely through me. Feel free to join me. Let's make this world a more loving place. :)

 

Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.

John 13:34-35

God have mercy.

Grief sucks.
Knowing our souls live on past this life makes it better.
Grieving, hurting, making it through a day, a week, a month, a year, gaining insight and perspective along the way makes it purposeful.
But still, grief sucks.

I'm thankful God knows that, and that He cares, and that He gives us what we need to get through it no matter how long it takes.

Feeling with and praying for those who continue in this life, while their beloved ones have moved on.
May those of us removed from the immediate pain be a comfort to those who cannot bear it. That is our charge as fellow pilgrims who share in the journey - to hold others up when they lose their footing, so others may one day hold us up when we do.

God have mercy.

Expectant!

Yep, it's kuh-ray-zee May! Recitals, Concerts, Field Days, Field Trips, Teacher Appreciation, Carnivals, Parent Meetings, Graduations, Recognitions, Inductions..... So proud of my kiddos. But AAAAGGHHH! We're holding on for dear life through the next couple of weeks (i.e. the house will stay a mess, the meals will be less-than-stellar, the kids might bathe every third day or so, and tired will be an understatement). Then it will all come to a grinding halt as summer hits... ahhh...

And then I'm sure three days into summer we'll be wishing for something to do. Such is life!

So why in the world am I feeling the urge to blog NOW. Who knows....Well, it is a great outlet which provides free stress relief. And boy, do I have a lot on my heart. So, let's start with another milestone moment.

I am about to be the mom of four SCHOOL-AGED kids. I will no longer have any children in preschool by the end of kuh-ray-zee May! Wow. It's another milestone, among the many I seem to have had many this year. It's the beginning of a new stage in life.  For the first time in 13 years, when school starts in August I will have 7 hours a day, five days a week, sans kids. That's 35 hours a week! What is a mother to do??!!

BELIEVE ME, I am absolutely certain I will figure it out just fine!

My plans for the 2012-2013 school year include: sleep, yoga, coffee with every friend I need to catch up with, lunch with Leon at least once a week (and on the other days lunch with every other friend I've ever wanted to connect with), reading all the books I have on my shelf waiting to be read, shopping for more books to read, and more sleep.


I figure with the kids home less and being a little older, the house will be less of a wreck, and they will be more actively helping in chores, so I won't spend much of my days on housework. I also figure that I'll have plenty of time to plan and execute meals better, so we should all end up healthier. And I figure I'll have plenty of time for exercise and regular spa treatments, so I should be much more radiant and beautiful, too.... right?

Okay, so that's probably not completely accurate, but it's something to work toward!

And no, I'm not delusional. I know that reality will be whatever reality ends up being. I actually have decided to just take it one day at a time. I have been very careful NOT to take on MORE volunteer duties this next school year. In fact, the roles I've volunteered for will require less time and effort. I see this next year as a time to allow God to mold and guide my next phase of life. It's actually VERY exciting!

Will I find an organization near and dear to my heart to pour my energy into? Will I begin to speak more to groups? Will I begin writing a book? Will my children and husband need me to spend my extra time on their needs somehow? Will I dive deeper into Bible Study and meditation? Will I discover some other latent passion of mine?....

I'm waiting with hope and expectancy!
Who's with me?