Doubt Night

Do you ever doubt things that you always thought were true? Do you ever doubt God? Would you dare to? Do you ever wonder how there could be a God with all the awful things in this world? Do you dare to doubt?

Several years ago I didn't doubt much of anything. I had most things in life figured out. And what I couldn't explain, I just let my faith cover that. I was very sure of myself and what I believed in life. ... BUT then God moved me. At my invitation, when I said, "God there has got to be more out there in life!" yes, oh yes, He did! He stretched me, pushed me, pulled me and threw me off the cliff of my own assuredness, sending me flying through new theology, new experiences, new relationships - and ultimately a kind of scary, but really wonderful time of character building and growth. And I'm still flying!

So now I doubt.

You may be thinking that's a bad thing. And I suppose it can be sometimes. But for me right now, it's not bad - in fact, it's really good! It's freeing! And it makes my relationship God richer and deeper - and way-more-personal than it ever was before. (Although that's hard to even write, because I really DID have a very personal relationship with God - just on a different level I guess.)

What's your Velvet Elvis?
Anyway, I'm re-reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell, subtitled Repainting the Christian Faith. (A friend gave it back to me after I loaned it to her over a year ago, so I started flipping back through it, and now I'm hooked again.) Now that subtitle could scare those of us who've grown up in church, but don't let it - or for some of you, you might say, "it's about time!" Either way, if you decide to read it, you might find God speaking to you about what kind of faith you have. And, like me, maybe you'll find yourself free to explore your faith more, free to live it out more, free to question... even free to doubt! God used this book as part of my "movement," my flying journey, if you will.

One thing Rob Bell shares about is something his church hosted: They sponsored a "Doubt Night" where people (church members and others) could come together and just express their questions and doubts about God and the world and whatever. The church didn't so much offer all the "right answers" to their questions, or even say that they should just "have faith" and get over it. Instead the church allowed them the opportunity to voice their feelings, shout at God if they needed to, cry over all the "whys" of life, and be heard - not shunned. They offered Hope and Truth and Love, while sharing that Christians don't have all the answers, and Christians "wonder why," and it's okay to doubt and question! God is still there and he still loves us. They offered unconditional love, acceptance and grace to the people there that night! What a great thing!

Maybe I'll be part of a church body who can be comfortable with doing something like that some day!

Bible Truths?
So, lately I've been doubting my long-held beliefs about the Bible. (Whew, there I said it!) I have always revered the Bible more than any other written word. I have always believed that everything in the Bible is absolutely true. I have always believed that it is a book that is more inspired by God than any other, and therefore, I have always placed the Bible equal with God since it is His Word. I'm not saying that I disagree with all these beliefs now, but now I'm just not sure all these beliefs are good.

Here are some of my questions: (For blog posting purposes, let's leave them rhetorical, although if you're interested in discussing these things over a cup of coffee sometime, let me know!)

• How should the Bible be equal with God himself?! Should we worship the Bible?! If the Holy Spirit is telling me one thing, but someone uses a verse in the Bible to "prove" to me otherwise, who is right? The Holy Spirit or the Bible?
• If God speaks to me through a book other than the Bible, should I not trust that, since I wasn't reading the Bible?
• What if a passage in the Bible says one thing, then another passage in the Bible says something else, and a friend who is a follower of Jesus agrees with one of the passages while a friend who is not necessarily a follower of Jesus agrees with the Bible... then who's right?
• And what about all the human factors that went into what we consider to be the Bible? the memorizers, the scribes, the councils of men who decided what to keep and what to exclude, the translators, etc.... they all were human and so made mistakes sometimes... am I to believe that they never made mistakes when it came to the scriptures?
• And what about the other historical legends, myths and allegories that happen to be very similar to supposedly true stories in the Bible?
• And then there are the obvious differences in the gospel stories of Jesus, so we have to consider the writers, the audiences, the cultures, and the purposes of each writer. All four accounts are in scripture...Which version is true? Which aren't?... what about the gospel accounts that didn't make it into our Bible?

All this can make a person crazy, and it does to me sometimes! But it also makes me thrilled about how living and active God is in our world! God can speak to me in whatever way he chooses - through the Bible or some other book (Christian or not), through friends and speakers (Christian or not), through experiences ...and feelings ...and logic ...and thoughts ...and unexplainable occurrences....

So, maybe some of you will be worried about me and my faith, or at least my faith in the Bible. Please don't. I love the Bible now more than ever, because I'm looking at it in a different way. I want to see what Paul thought about something, and how that differs from how the prophets taught or what Jesus said, and how that is similar to what Leon and I think, and how that contrasts with what Bell and McLaren and Young and Campolo view things...

God is working in my life so diligently now. And whether my doubts and questions are on target or way off base, God can handle them, and He covers me with His grace and works His purposes even still!